‘I never said I’d pay for everything’: Bride says her uncle ‘ruined’ her wedding after offering $15K instead of the $50K she expected

Who’s really responsible for paying?

A $15,000 contribution might seem more than generous from an uncle, but for Lily, it wasn’t enough. The uncle, who had always been a source of support throughout Lily’s life, thought he’d made his financial limits clear but the expectations were set much higher.

“Lily said I ‘promised’ to pay for the wedding, and [her mother] backed her up, saying I ‘always supported them’ and this was the least I could do. Apparently, they were expecting I’d cover a $50,000+ wedding. I told them that wasn’t happening. $15,000 was all I could give,” the uncle wrote on reddit.

So who usually spends on weddings?

According to The Knot Real Weddings Study, on average, couples cover 50% of the wedding budget and parents/family contribute the other 50%. A 2022 survey by Zola found that one-third of couples were paying for their wedding entirely without family help.

“These days, anything goes when it comes to paying for a wedding. Engaged couples taking care of the finances is on the rise,” said Kylie Carlson, the CEO of the International Academy of Wedding & Event Planning, to Vogue. “At the same time, the tradition of the bride’s parents contributing is still very prevalent, especially in particular regions. With some weddings, costs are split between the couples and other members of the family. You’ll also run into scenarios where parents are divorced or remarried, and splitting the costs. Grandparents may chip in — it really does depend on each individual wedding.”

However, in this case, it appeared neither Lily, her fiance, nor her mother had offered to contribute to the total cost. As emotions ran high and finances took center stage, it became clear that family expectations and their relationships would have to be redefined.

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Budgeting for the big day

The Knot said in 2023, the average combined cost of a wedding ceremony and reception reached $35,000 – a 5,000 increase from 2022, likely due to inflation and broader economic conditions.

Budgeting for a wedding is one of the most important steps in the planning process as it sets the foundation for the decisions that follow. Weddings can quickly become expensive and managing those costs early on helps avoid financial stress later.

As Alicia Fritz, the owner of A Day in May Events told Brides, “Building your wedding budget is one of the most important and difficult things to do, but taking the time at the forefront of planning can be one of your greatest aids along the way.”

The uncle mentioned that Lily's entire wedding was booked, just assuming he would eventually come around to covering this extravagant event. He vented, “Emily and Lily are now saying I’m being manipulative, offering to help and then taking it away at the last second, making them look bad in front of the groom’s family."

Whether you’re budgeting on your own or with family contributions, ensuring everyone is aligned on costs can prevent financial strain and unnecessary family drama down the line.